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More about relief

Updated: Aug 25

Relief can be a strong emotional state.


As I previously wrote, 'relief' (avoidance or the ending of physical/ emotional pressure) is an extremely positive feeling. Perhaps it's not as much fun as joy or exhilaration, but it signals a shift away from discomfort to comfort. The bigger the discomfort/ distress - the greater the relief may be when it's over.


Relief is so much better than the feelings that went before and caused us to WANT relief.


In motivating and teaching ourselves and others, we're not that good at using it, simply because we don't really know we should.


We nag until the teenager starts to clean the room, then we complain about the quality of the job being done.


We criticise ourselves for not starting something. If we start it, we're not doing it quickly enough or tidily enough or any of a long list of other not-good-enoughs. When we finish, we're not content. We should have done it better! No celebration. On to the next project. No relief.


We're often really, really good at finding fault with ourselves and others. If not with this, with that. Just keep probing and watching and there'll be something that's not right. "We see what we're looking for".


Animal training originally used a lot of pressure/ release. Methods have changed a lot now, but some examples are: heels into a horse's side...the horse moves...the heels come away from the sides.


Put your hand on a dog's butt and push. When they begin to sit, remove the hand.


Obviously there are harsher versions too. Humans have done (and still do) some rough stuff to animals in the name of training.


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Unfortunately I think we often aren't taught, or don't really absorb the importance of the RELEASE.


When we're training, emotional pressure often comes along for the ride. It's not a deliberate part of what we're doing. It's our reaction to the unfolding situation. Our animals also react emotionally.

Here's an example.

If a dog doesn't do as their human says, sometimes the human gets angry. The dog then tries to leave or drops at their feet, or desperately snuggles closer, licking their hands. These things might enrage the human more because the dog is still not doing as they ask and is doing things they don't want/ like.


Tragically, these are all ways the dog is trying to release the emotional pressure created by the human's anger.


The dropping/ snuggling/ licking are appeasement gestures. The dog recognises the human's aggressive, threatening behaviour and is attempting to defuse the conflict by signalling they won't fight back.


This potential emotional fallout is a good reason to strive to understand the pressure/ release process, and recognise the many varieties of pressure.


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Once we understand the process, we can avoid pressure when possible and when we do use it, use it skilfully with minimal discomfort. We can also notice when others (including animals) try to use it.


For example; someone comes up very close to us to talk. We're uncomfortable and step away. We just released pressure. If they have any awareness, they'll notice that and not advance again.


Animals also have personal space bubbles. They may show subtle signals first; stiffening up, looking away, increased or decreased tail movement etc. Read the signals and give them space.

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If we are to use pressure in animal training (and we always use some, often accidentally), effective training will mean pressure is released the INSTANT the learner does what we want.


We tug lightly on the lead, the dog moves towards us - we stop tugging.


We step towards the dog. They back up. We stop approaching.


A skilled trainer uses as little pressure as possible and releases it quickly. They also use significantly more praise and other rewards than pressure.


A few final notes

Tolerance of pressure and the ability to recover quickly and thoroughly, depend on many things - the individual, the trainer's skill, the type and intensity of pressure etc.


There must be a release. RELIEF must occur. If nothing the learner does can turn off the pressure we're applying, they aren't going to be learning anything we want them to learn. They'll become confused, frustrated, perhaps anxious, even afraid.


Even with the use of releases, significant pressure can create an extremely distressing experience. Sometimes, this can lead to trauma, which has huge, long lasting effects. Educate yourself on the technique before you use pressure. Then you'll realise how little you need to use and how to use it effectively to maximise learning and minimise stress.






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